Fire

آری، آری ، زندگی زیباست زندگی آتشگهی دیرنده پا برجاست گر بیفروزیش، رقص شعله اش در هر کران پیداست ورنه، خاموش است وخاموشی گناه ماست سیاوش کسرایی / / / / / Life is like fire, can burns forever. If we turn it on we can see flame dances from far away, other wise its dark and thats our fault.

Today parm left to the other city.
you know its not about one person is leaving, its about not being the whole anymore.
I was having the countdown from Monday, I was thinking to write down my diary every day as a the last monday, tuesday .... that we are together.
Still I think the last dinner that we had together was almost 2 weeks ago, when Hoda just came back and we had supper with Hoda and Shahab. which was a nice night, They've got Pizza and chicken we had it together at back yard, sss was talking about his Pejman, and about the article he read about houses that worth couple of million dollars, buying "jazireh" and I 've told them I always wanted to have some thing like that, having a "jazireh" some where in the world and calling it mine, I think that was one of my wish when I was a little kid.
ya It was Wednesday of last week. after we moved here.
I belive I was with dad and we went to grandma's house and decided to get s.t to eat I've called Shahab and we picked him from school, the poor guy was so hungry and he didn't have any thing that day, we told him we can get some food soon, we picked him up around 5 o'clock and finally it was around 9:30 that we ate. and he was making fun of us, that we kept him hungry for such a long time.

anyways, today parm left, I was upset almost the whole week , but much more yesterday and today. specially yesterday, wasn't cool at all, didn't do any thing either. We had this goodbye party for her, She invited most of her firends but not all ppl who said they'll show up, they did. and from the other side all the common firends of us were also invited, sss called it as goodbye party for both Parm and JJ. the funny thing was Parm said she wanted to hang put more with us, and she said I wished we could have it 2 different days. ( I don't get why parm might like hanging out with us/those guys that much). SSS gave parm some drinks too, whiskey with coke. we started our own party at around 10 and I went to bed around 3-4, although some were still seating beside the fire and talking.
we were seating at backyard and smoking shisha and singing and some were playing gitar, it was goood, specially that we were singing loud after midnight and thanx God no neighbour complained (atleast yet!) I was feeling down thinking these kids are leaving, I was smoking and drinking but didn't help. and even cried in the middle of some songs, I was in my own world, seems like couple of times I was "matalaking" JJ. He told me that couple of times and even at the end of the night, when I wasn't sure that if I should go and sleep beside every body else, or not. I was seating on a chair and looking at the mattresses that were "pahn shodeh boodand vasate hal va amadeh inke adam bere bekhabe" and thinking I want to sleep over there, but I knew in that case there might not be enough space for the rest of the gang, then JJ came send me to bed and kissed me good night, and told me that " emrooz be ma 4-5 dafe andakhtia"
He even mentioned it today, out of the 4 times he was talking about i only recall twice thugh!!! once was mom was talking to me about having a makeup on and i was argueing why thats not necessarily, I told her "I know I'm beautiful, ppl who should know, they also know, and ppl who doesn't know or they don't think that way, let them think what ever they want to think, I don't care." that was the part I was saying it indirectly to JJ. and she replied me what would be wrong if one would be beautiful inside and out? and I said: "melat deldard migirand" and JJ was offended by that. and the thing was that was s.t came up out of my mouth and I didn't mean him in particular. I Told him so, but I don't think he beleived me. He is such a cuty ke chenin chizi behesh barmikhoore, be nazaram hich jaye in harf barkhoorandeh nabood, harfe ghablim bayad bishtar barkhoorandeh booode bashe, ama be nazare oon harfe khili zeshti boood, hata vahti behesh chaiee tarof kardam migoft na mersi deldard migiram :D
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emrouz sobh va zohro asr hame chiz khili gharo ghati bood, hame plan ha be ham khoord, hame ajleh dashtand va not in a good moood, asr be bad boood ke maman ham geryash gereft. migoft man khili khoosh bakhtam ke raftane bache koodhikamo be daneshgah daram mibinam. migoft pedaram shayad fekr mikard ke arezooye dast yaftanish bashe ama omresh kafaf nadad.
migoft yeki az doostash sekteh kardeh, dooostesh vaze malie khili khoobi dashtand ama vaghti hamsaresh fot kard, hame chiz be ham khoord, va ba inke dast darde shadid dasht majboor shod ke kar kone oonam karhaye sathe khili pain, sare karesh ham sekteh kardeh booode.

maman migoft khili khoosh bakhteh ke ma hich kodoom sar az zendani jayee dar naiavordim.



parm ham asabesh khoord bood chon mikhst zoodtar bere, maman raft be baba goft mishe sar besare parm nazari koli gerye kardeh,
baba goft mage man gerye nakardam?

tahala nadideh boodam babam bege gerye kardeh.


Parm raft, manam tooy in hafteh miram, JJ ham monday.

mikham baraye JJ mehmooni begiram, yani faghat 3-4 ta bachehaye daneshgah, bache mooy saf doost dare, ba inke sare in mozoo 100 dafe bahs kardim ama hala ke dare mire, sare mehmooni saf mikonam moo ro. (in dige ende sacrifize manee!) az parm khahesh kardam moo saf konesho nabare, goft interview dare nemikhad ba mooye fer bere, ama bad dame raftanesh ke azash porsidam, goft mizaree,
fekr nemikonam shodhe bash ke ye hafteh ba mooy fer biroon bere az khoone.

Labels: Life